The following is an excerpt from The Gospel of Joy, after transitioning fully away from beyond church walls religion in Mystic Christianity to nature mysticism (following my heart) outside of any one religious tradition altogether, and developing spiritual practices of my own (Joy Alchemy) that formed the essential foundation of living a life inspired by Love for greater peace and joy and led to Interspirituality (and then back full circle to Jesus Christ and the Way of Love).
Winter 2013 ~ Summer 2013
…So, where was I now? No longer did the cycle of focusing on the past have a stronghold over me. Not once did projecting the future entrap my thoughts. Gone were the “should-haves” and the “could-haves.” Erased was the shame of mistakes and “bad” decisions.
It felt as if I was a young child skipping along in life with curiosity and wonder of the present moment and seeing so much more than I had ever remembered seeing before. Until I let everything go, my mind was too cluttered to see all the possibilities in existence. I realized now that everything was possible without beliefs binding my self to a previous or future life.
From a balanced space of stillness and peace, my awareness opened to intuition, visions, and dreams, wisdom from the Divine light within, and leaning into only my heart as a compass to determine: what was True North?
In this space of the heart, I examined thoughts that expanded possibilities and recognized others that narrowed into decisions, judgments, and beliefs. I explored how when new ideas presented in my life and at times my being rejoiced in a triumphant, “Yes!” and to others, I felt, “No.”
In amazement, I noticed how my life aligned in the flow of Nature and the entire Universe as my practice deepened in atunement. My thoughts consistently foreshadowed what would come to pass, visions sprung forth out of the stillness of my quiet mind, and intuition—which I recognized as a sense deeper than emotion—became a gauge of resonance and flow.
I noticed how questions were answered before I prayed about them. This became stronger as I drew from this profound inner knowing within my heart as my source of truth. Until the day I realized I no longer prayed or petitioned to God anymore at all.
In this co-creative flow, I experienced more little everyday miracles than I’d ever recognized in my previous life. I was not asking for them, the miracles manifested on their own. I began seeing ordinary items, experiences, emotions, and relationships as symbols, continually revealing deeper meanings. It was as if the veil had lifted, but I could not pinpoint exactly when I began seeing so clearly from within.
The heart knows what course is right, follow the heart always.
In the times of choosing between two options in a decision, I began to see how sometimes it was not yet time for the decision to be made. Instead, by allowing the flow of life to continue emerging, I noticed how more possibilities opened and new knowledge appeared. The wisdom within my heart was always certain of the best decision in perfect timing when it felt completely right inside without hesitation.
There were instances when several options seemed like a potential fit; I’d notice how I would be drawn to one option more than the others. It presented itself as a feeling and inner knowing, and with a sense of contentment, with less resistance.
Sometimes I tried on the decision in my mind’s eye to see how it felt by stepping into the experience. It was amazing to realize the power of visualization and exploring within, and then to step back into the present moment having a greater sense of knowing where I saw the path leading in the future. Not projecting it as certain, but as a potentiality.
If one thing existed, then it’s opposite always also existed. Yet, it was not only these two polar extremes but all of the infinite possibilities and potentials in-between. I found that so often I used to narrow my decisions to two without opening to the sky of possibilities, one of which might hold a higher and more joy-filled outcome than I could have imagined. Each time in the moment of decision, my heart knew the decision and my mind agreed.
We find exactly what we seek, always endeavor to seek that which brings inner peace and joy.
When contemplating a decision or a potential pathway, I learned not to focus on the steps from here to there or the details or the “how.” My role was to imagine the highest possible outcome, that was, one that invokes inner feelings of peace, joy, freedom, light, inspiration, bliss, and enthusiasm. Then, I stepped back and let the Universe do the rest.
This was true co-creation. I found that all I needed to do was hold the vision while remaining detached, allowing an even greater experience to spring forth. Saying “yes” or “no” to opportunities that presented along the pathway depending on how it felt in my heart, and every time, the vision was fulfilled.
I thought about how many times I used to believe what I wanted in life was what was “best” for me, but then when I attained the outcome it was less-than-joyful in experience. I learned to listen to my gut, emotions, intuition, and inner peace, and to reflect on all of these before taking any action. The key was to be willing to let go of all attachments of what I thought I wanted and go with the flow with the belief all was continually working towards the good.
Let go of outcomes and be in the flow of the present moment.
I realized that by holding on too tightly to an outcome it prevented me from seeing the open doorways of opportunity presenting along the way, including those I said “no” to because it did not look like what I wanted although it may have felt like a better answer than where I was. The more I clung to an “image” of what I wanted in the past, the more it was strangled and withered to dust. Whereas, when I gave my life the freedom to flow, transform, and bloom in Divine timing, not only did it feel better, but life was one miracle after another.
The more I practiced navigating with my heart compass, the greater my inner peace strengthened. I no longer made decisions out of extreme emotion at either end of the spectrum, whether sadness or anger or even overly happy, all came from a centered place of acceptance regardless of the potential outcome. I trusted that I was making the best decision at the time. Even if it meant holding off deciding until more understanding emerged. I was living life fully via my inner compass, the truth in my gut, like the word that was coined as “truthiness:” truth claimed as the truth, not for evidence or supporting facts, but because of a feeling that it was true from inside.
I shifted from the mindset of having to do everything to make something happen to “being open to receiving” what came. This was the same universal principle that worked in the same manner when I used to pray to God in the name of Jesus, but the difference was the freedom I now had to live life to the fullest and to pursue joy without any restrictions of beliefs.
Sometimes the doorways which presented did not resonate with my heart; as I said no to them, new doorways opened. This was as simple as sensing dissonance or misalignment within. Learning to say “No” and to continue onward meant trusting another door would open. Years ago, I clung to the one doorway that did not resonate, believing it was my only chance to get what I thought I wanted even though it did not make me happy inside.
All is One, and each one is of the All
My belief was judgments were both good and bad and as such, they were perceived in varying degrees by different people. For example, someone who did not have a home may believe a cot in a shelter was a good place to rest. While at the same time, another person who lives in a luxurious mansion may believe differently, both were judgments based on their experience and beliefs. I recognized how we made judgments all the time based on what we think and believe, and this separated us from the truth that in the Oneness and the All, good and bad do not exist because All is One without separation.
I began to use my senses to perceive how a person, situation, place, or experience resonated within my heart without judging in my mind. Was it in alignment with my inner world? Was it in dissonance with my inner world? Did it feel “light” and in flow or did it feel “heavy, burdensome” or constricted somehow. This was a new way of living. I stopped labeling or naming things for what I thought they were. Instead, I simply felt them and proceeded onward.
Instead of looking outside to religion, books, or anyone else for answers, I drew upon the deep well of wisdom I found within. It was a wellspring of the water of life, for it was in sync with the Universe and Nature. The tree of life within the heart.
In all this, it became clear that without wisdom and understanding, I could not have known love. It was not enough to hear a story about love or to be taught by someone else what love was, or what it should feel like, or look like. I needed to experience love from within to truly know what it was. Love without images. Love in the silence of a clear mind and an open heart.
Wisdom and love as One, united together without separation where infinity and eternity exist beyond time and space. In the silence of the All, before creation and after the end of time in the new beginning, and they were One within me, the sacred cosmic alchemical marriage.
If I believe there’s no way out and nowhere to turn, I am right, for what I believe creates my reality. I detach the emotions I am feeling from what I think is true, to give myself some space to breathe.
As published in The Gospel of Joy, written on December 25, 2019, age 42)
What is possible from where I stand right now?
What do I “think” will happen?
Now I move that possibility to the side and consider the opposite of what I “think” will happen.
What is the opposite of what I believe?
I have two polar opposite gateways of possibility, and I fill the space in the middle with all of the rest of possibilities from A to Z, and back from Z to A, in every combination of letters, colors, sizes, shapes, and outcomes.
Everything is possible because the future hasn’t happened yet, and I do not limit myself to what I “believe” for my belief may be untrue. I listen to my heart compass and consider the possibilities that appear in my mind.
Which of them feel right as I contemplate them in my heart?
The one that feels the most right—bringing peace and joy inside—
That is it! Right there! That is the way.
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