A Definitive Guide Within Christianity: What Love Is (And, What It’s Not)

Love. It’s the Greatest Commandment for all Christians. (Yes, ALL Christians.) But, taking a look around in the world—especially right here in the United States of America—the Spirit of love among Christians is dim at best, not shining like a city on the hill filled with healing, miracles, charity and good works, as we’d expect to experience if the 205+ million Christians in the USA had their love-lights on as Jesus commanded (read more in a 2021 letter to Christians in the USA).

Many of these Christians, who are hypocritical by professing faith and devotion to Jesus Christ, and at the same time, acting anti-Christ-like in everyday life, are either ignorant or liars. As it is written in 1 John 4:20, “If a man says, “I love God,” and hates his brother, he is a liar; for he who doesn’t love his brother whom he has seen, how can he love God whom he has not seen?

To love one another—even showing love to one’s enemies—was commanded by Jesus to all of His disciples and followers as written in the canonized gospels (see Inspired By Love for Life, True Disciples of Jesus Follow His Way). More than anything else in the whole law and the prophets (Matthew 22:40), the charge for anyone who professes to be a Christian—that is, a believer and follower of the teachings and ministry of Jesus Christ—is to LOVE with their entire life. Period.

This means, putting love above ALL else and doing everything within one’s will power and capabilities to live a life of love as Jesus demonstrated for us. For Jesus said everyone would know who His disciples were because they would be showing love for one another (John 13:35), bearing good fruit in good works.

Since we aren’t living in a world abounding in joy, healing, miracles, and peace and goodwill towards all humankind (which one would expect given the 2.3+ billion Christians worldwide), maybe Christians have forgotten what love really is—and what it is not. Maybe they’ve fallen asleep. Maybe they aren’t true Christians. It could honestly be any one of infinite reasons why the power of love in the name of Christ Jesus isn’t glorified beyond measure on earth through the love of billions of Christians on earth.

Therefore, in the spirit of compassion—and giving the benefit of the doubt to the multitude of Christians who are seemingly opposing the very essence of what they say they believe in as the ultimate truth—here is a refresher about love straight from the scriptures themselves.

May these words be a lamp post within Christianity for those who have lost their way in the world. And for non-Christians, may these words be a lighthouse shining the truth of what the essence of Christianity is *really* supposed to look like in love-powered behaviors and actions.

Beginning in 1 Corinthians 13:4, the scriptures clearly delineate within duality what love IS and what love IS NOT. The table below includes similar qualities, traits, and characteristics on either side in opposition from each other with no question remaining which side love is on.

For example, if love is patient, then the opposite of love (that is, what is NOT love) is impatience. In this manner, we see a fuller picture about what is Holy, Righteous, and Christ-like within Christianity itself.

(Special note: If the “LOVE” side in the below table is generally where you find yourself in life in your inner and outer worlds, congratulations – you’ve got the right mindset and open heart for blessings and miracles – anything is possible for you).

LOVENOT LOVE
Patient
(Forbearing, uncomplaining, tolerant, long-suffering, calm, composed, serenity, even-tempered, tranquil, imperturbable, accommodating, understanding, kind, considerate, unflappable, cool, equanimous, and persevering)
Impatient
(Antsy, complaining, fed up, hostile, agitated, intolerant, irritable, discontented, disgruntled, displeased, frustrated, aggravated, annoyed, peeved, snappy, testy, unforbearing, demanding, protesting, peeved, abrupt, curt, hot-tempered, short-tempered, and quick-tempered)
Kind
(Good-natured, tenderhearted, warm-hearted, good-hearted, caring, affectionate, warm, gentle, considerate, helpful, thoughtful, obliging, unselfish, selfless, altruistic, cooperative, accommodating, attentive, compassionate, sympathetic, understanding, benevolent, friendly, good neighborly, courteous, agreeable, pleasant, nice, amiable, hospitable, generous, magnanimous, tolerant, charitable, gracious, humane, merciful, clement, giving, and philanthropic)
Unkind
(Inconsiderate, cruel, antagonistic, cold, disagreeable, discourteous, harsh, hateful, inhumane, mean, merciless, nasty, rude, thoughtless, uncaring, uncompassionate, unfriendly, unmindful, unsympathetic, violent, bitter, ungenerous, unpleasant, mean-spirited, vicious, spiteful, malicious, malevolent, callous, ruthless, snide, hurtful, ill-natured, hard-hearted, heartless, brutal, insensitive, inhospitable, surly, adversarial, antagonistic, belligerent, combative, contentious, quarrelsome, vindictive, and virulent)
Not Envious
(Kind-hearted, altruistic, benevolent, charitable, comfortable, confident, content, accepting,
satisfied, and giving)
Envious
(Jealous, covetous, desirous, resentful, bitter,
craving, and perverse)
Humble
(“Egoless”, unpretentious, unpresuming, unostentatious, discreet, unboastful, modest, respectful, down-to-earth, meek, and free from vanity)
Brags/Proud
(Conceited, arrogant, boast, crow, show off, swagger, gloat, talk big, blow hard, vaunt, roister, sings its own praises, grandstand, parades itself, showboat, puffed up, bombast, and “blow one’s own trumpet”)
Behaves Appropriately
(Suitable, proper, fitting, apt, relevant, connected, pertinent, applicable, germane, right, congruous, befitting, apropos, rightful, well-suited, felicitous, well-chosen, apposite, correct, good, agreeable,
in accord, and seemly)
Behaves Inappropriately
(Unsuitable, unfitting, unbecoming, unprofessional, unfit, unbefitting, improper, out of place, wrong, amiss, inapt, inexpedient, injudicious, unwise, ill-judged, ill-considered, misguided, misplaced, ill-timed, inopportune, undue, untoward, troublesome, tactless, tasteless, undesirable, malapropos, graceless, incorrect, perverse, unseemly, foolish, and imprudent)
Does Not Seek Its Own Way
(Meek, gentle, submissive, surrenders, peaceful, docile, humble, respectful, polite, considerate, obedient, dutiful, submissive, compliant, acquiescent, collaborative, cooperative, supportive, helpful, selfless, altruistic, philanthropical, humane, unselfish, benevolent, agreeable, amenable, assenting, accommodating, and obliging)
Seeks Its Own Way
(Dishonors others, controls, dictates, commands, orders, directs, domineers, monopolizes, hogs, overbears, overrules, overshadows, predominates, reigns, “rules the roost”, subjugates, conquers, tyrannizes, oppresses, persecutes, intimidates, harasses, threatens, coerces, bullies, forces, strong-arms, calls the shots, overpowers, self-seeking (selfish), egocentric, narcissistic, self-centered, and self-serving)
Pacifies
(Allay, reduce, diminish, decrease, lessen, assuage, mollify, appease, alleviate, lighten, ease, comfort, smoothe, relieve, soften, relax, calm down, quiet down, mitigate, abate, palliate, extenuate, abate, tone down, dispel, dissipate, quell, subdue, reduce in intensity or severity, and restores peace)
Provokes
(Easily angered, arouse, evoke, call forth, elicit, induce, instigate, promote, trigger, goad, spur, prod, incite, rouse, inflame, impel, pressure, incense, enrage, infuriate, exasperate, nettle, bother, upset, agitate, vex, irk, “ruffle feathers,” “make someone’s blood boil,” harass, molest, tease, taught, affront, insult, offend, peeve, aggravate, hassle miff, rile, bug, “get under someone’s skin,” “get someone’s goat,“
 wind up, rankle, and irritate)
Does Not Keep A Record Of Wrongs
(Thinks no evil, forgives, pardons, grants mercies, excuses, exonerates, absolves, liberates, acquits, releases, sets free, clears, resolves, lets off the hook, lets “bygones be bygones,” lets go, “buries the hatchet,” “turns the other cheek,” “wipes the slate clean”, clemency, leniency, discharges, and gives amnesty)
Takes Account (Keeps A Record) Of Evil/Sins
(Unforgiving, merciless, callous, revengeful, implacable, vindictive, spiteful, hurtful, unwilling to let go, vengeful, resentful, indignant, bitter, acrimonious, maleficent, avenges, punishes, chastises, castigates, censures, condemns, reproaches, blames, accuses, reproves, denounces, judges, disparages, scolds, criticizes, reprimands, finds fault, disciplines, rebukes, admonishes, penalizes, retaliates, “strikes back,” and “eye for an eye”)
Rejoices In Righteousness
(Takes pleasure, enjoys, delights in, cheers, revels, celebrates, glorifies, and is happy with jubilation in: high standards of morality and virtue, decency, ethics, integrity, goodness, honesty, honorableness, dignity, magnanimity, high-mindedness, generosity, justice, evenhandedness, impartiality, equality, rightness, uprightness, decorousness, probity, civility, graciousness, kindness, affability, mercy, compassion, sympathy, empathy, understanding, politeness, courtesy, consideration, honesty, principled and noble, commendable, admirable, venerable, law-abiding, reputable, respected, worthy, blameless, clean, incorruptible, immaculate, inoffensive, irreproachable, unobjectionable, pure, spotless, uncorrupted, blameless, guiltless, conscientious, fair, polite, principled, faultless, sinless, Godly, saintly, angelic, pious, justified, legitimate, defensible, well founded, sound, valid, reasonable, sensible, devoted, devout, dutiful, obedient, meritorious, holy, faithful, trustworthy, praiseworthy, reverent, exemplary, equitable, and laudable)
Rejoices In Unrighteousness
(Takes pleasure, enjoys, delights in, cheers, revels, celebrates, glorifies, and is happy with jubilation in: wickedness, sins, debaucheries, injustices, inequities, discriminations, prejudices, partialities, biases, immorality, iniquitous, nefariousness, rottenness, unlawfulness, impropriety, viciousness, vileness, villainous, illegalities, heinousness, atrocities, unsavoriness, distastefulness, unpleasantness, evil, maliciousness, malice, impiousness, transgressions, ungodliness, lewdness, profanities, vulgarities, despicable, disreputable, sordid, sleazy, crooked, shady, cruel, obscenities, indecencies, offensiveness, rudeness, abusiveness, insolence, reprehensible, disgrace, bribery, fraud, deception, deceit, trickery, shams, scams, deception, corruption, exploitation, manipulation, mistreatment, ill-treatment, neglect, abandonments, desertions, perversions, sicknesses, diseases, curses, defilement, desecrations, violations, noxiousness, harmfulness, pestilence, unwholesomeness, indecency, dishonesty, and dishonorableness)
Bears All Things
(Supports, braces, reinforces, takes care of, looks after, aids, stands up for, carries, maintains, provides, advocates, encourages, protects, shields, keeps, remains, continues, endures, withstands, survives, persists, weathers, comforts, sustains, heartens, fortifies, strengthens, consoles, reassures, soothes, champions, perseveres, stays, sticks with, safeguards, covers, holds on, preserves, shelters, substantiates, tolerates, accepts, shoulders, abides, is a refuge, safe haven, and sanctuary)
Does Not Bear All Things
(Opposes, neglects, abandons, contradicts, undermines, combats, resists, defies, fights, repels, bucks, rejects, criticizes, condemns, assails, antagonizes, protests, leaves, deserts, “turn one’s back on,” casts aside, breaks up, strands, dumps, diches, forsakes, vacates, quits, surrenders, cedes, yields, relinquishes, renounces, disclaims, disowns, disavows, discards, “wash one’s hands of,” gives up, does away with, scraps, junks, ceases, discontinues, breaks off, cuts out, disregards, ignores, loses sight of, shirks, skips, discounts, sets aside, overlooks, scorns, spurns, rebuffs, and denies)
Hopes All Things
(Wishes the best, expects, aims, plans, dreams, optimism, “light at the end of the tunnel,” confidence, faith, trust, assurance, anticipates, looks forward, looks toward, intends, prospects, and believes in the good to come)
Does Not Hope All Things
(Pessimism, gloom, negativity, despair, discouragement, disbelief, distrust, doubt,  and fears)
Endures All Things
(Bears, withstands, sustains, weathers, tolerates, abides, accepts, holds onto, perseveres, continues, persists, remains, stays, holds steadfast, fixed, firm, unwavering, and unfaltering)
Does Not Endure All Things
(Fades, disappears, wanes, recedes, diminishes, short-lived, disavows, rejects, halts, refuses, retreats, runs away, stops, surrenders, denies, opposes, resists, discontinues, nullifies, rebuffs, repulses, dismisses, renounces, spurns, scorns, shuns, cast aside, and casts off)
Unfailing
(Steadfast, eternal, inexhaustible, boundless, bottomless, absolute, assiduous, ceaseless, constant, continual, continuing, continuous, dependable, diligent, endless, faithful, infallible, certain, reliable, endless, everlasting, loyal, sure, true, trustworthy, permanent, fixed, nonstop, interminable, perpetual, relentless, unremitting, weariless, unfaltering, unwavering, rock solid, infallible, flawless, faultless, errorless, foolproof, fail-safe, sure fire, immutable, unalterable, invariable, established, and set)
Fails
(Limited, inadequate, insufficient, unsatisfactory, deficient, lacking, incomplete, changeable, impermanent, uncertain, unsure, defective, faulty, flawed, imperfect, undependable, unreliable, doubtful, questionable, untrustworthy, fickle, fluctuating, inconstant, unsettled, unstable, varying, unsure, unpredictable, unreliable, undependable, risky, chancy, dicey, iffy, irregular, erratic, fluctuating, dubious, undecided, hesitant, wavering, vacillating, and falters)

We also know from the scriptures that love builds up (1 Corinthians 8:1) and binds ALL virtues together in perfect unity (Colossians 3:14).

Not just some, but ALL virtues.

And, if after all this there was still any question of what love is versus what it is not, Romans 13:10 sums it up succinctly, “Love doesn’t harm a neighbor.

With this immutable foundational framework of what love is compared with what love is not through the ministry and teachings of Jesus of Nazareth who became Christ, it is easy to identify who is powered by the Spirit of love (the Holy Spirit) by their behaviors, words, and actions and who is not no matter what religion or spiritual-but-not religious or atheist beliefs may be present.

The spirit of Love is ONE, undivided, and shines in unity for the greatest good according to The Golden Rule and seeks harmony, peace, and joy in all things, for all people, and all of creation together for the Greatest Good. This is what love looks like in real-life.

May we all strive to love one another just as Jesus taught nearly 2000 years ago (Christians have had plenty of time to practice!)


May mercy, peace and love be yours in abundance (Jude 1:2), with great joy always.


For more about The Gospel of Joy, click here, for more about Shannon, click here, to connect, click here, to return to the home page, click here.

Adapted Image licensed from Shutterstock ID: 306654653

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